Monday 21st April 2014

Sadly my hospital leave ends tomorrow. I have to be back in the psych ward at 9am for an assessment.  Hopefully it goes well and I get discharged but it could also go badly.  I don’t want to even go up to the ward let alone spend another night there but it’s not my choice.  So I’m having a super early night cause I feel so awful and I don’t want to hurt myself cause then I’ll have to stay for sure.  Wish me luck for tomorrow!

Game over. on We Heart It.

Untitled | via Tumblr on We Heart It.

Saturday 19th April 2014

Today I’ve decided that instead of doing a summary I want to share with all of you a little bit of a story.  I want to tell you about how I felt on the way to theater and after when I woke up in ICU after my suicide attempt. Night all, ‘see’ you tomorrow.


I remember my bed being wheeled upstairs to an operating room and someone putting a mask over my face and telling me to count to ten.  The next thing I remember is being in and out of consciousness and thinking that I had somehow escaped from the hospital.  I also remember being so sacred as my hands were in restraints (which is really triggering for me).  I think I blacked out again after that.  A few days late I couldn’t open my eyes, move or speak, but I could smell my parents (I know that sounds odd but it’s true).  My Dad smelt like he’d just had a shower and there is this baby powder that he uses for special occasions that he’d put on.  My Mum had on the perfume that she use to wear when I went to shows when I was little.  She as was chewing spearmint gum.  I was so happy to smell them, even though I couldn’t see them or talk to them I knew they were there.  I wanted to move to hug them, tell them that I was still alive, that I was still fighting but I couldn’t.  The next day I could open my eyes and I saw them crying when the came to visit.  That broke my heart.

(via bolrutyna)

(via bolrutyna)

(Source: gameraboy, via bolrutyna)

So I didn’t take a picture of this cut when I was in hospital as I was mostly concerned with hiding it and the blood from the nurses.  It is probably a little over a week old now and it’s healing well which I’m pleased about.  Anyway this is the link to the picture. [Remember this section of my blog is password locked, so if you want the password please have a read of this page.]

I took this picture in the lift of the psych ward last week.  I keep having awful dreams about that place so I don’t know why I’m posting it but like most things if it’s in my head then it’s probably on my tumblr.

I spent my first day of leave cleaning all my old toys.  The lovely young lady you seeing hanging from my clothes line is called “Polly the Dolly”.  She is a bit worse for ware but I still love her.  I love her a little bit more now that she doesn’t smell like moth balls!

Anonymous asked:
Hi you are really nice and Do you want to KIK or talk or something?

Hi Anon.  I’m glad you think I’m nice, that makes me really happy!  I have kik if you’d like to talk but you’d need to come off Anon so I could give you my user name.  <~3 Josey

Anonymous asked:
Do you have a KIK would you like to kik if I come off anon

Hi there Anon.  Yes I have kik but I don’t want to make it public.  So could you maybe come off anon if that’s something that you are comfortable with?? I look forward to hearing from you. <~3 Josey

Anonymous asked:
Hey I'm sorry are you a boy or a girl I'm really sorry for asking

Hi Anon.  I think that I was too slow answering your question so you sent it again.  But anyway I’m a girl.  This is the link to the other question too.  <~3 Josey

Anonymous asked:
Would you like someone to talk to? Like to help you a little?

Good morrow to you Anon.  I’d never refuse an offer of help.  It’s great to talk to different people cause we all have such different perspectives on life.  <~3 Josey

    • You clicked on my ask, smile to you. See it's a smilie (✿◠‿◠) Because you took the time to write to me I'll respond to any question you ask.
    • ۞
    • If you ask off anon I'll message back privately. I'll only publish non-anon questions if I've got your permission to do so. If you want your non-anon question published just let me know when you ask it.
    • ۞
    • Also I love anons and I’ve decided to greet anons with a factoid, joke, saying or whatever else pops into my mind but if I'm having a bad day then you probably won't get one because I'm not in the right head space to write one, sorry. I hope that you like them!