Sadly my hospital leave ends tomorrow. I have to be back in the psych ward at 9am for an assessment. Hopefully it goes well and I get discharged but it could also go badly. I don’t want to even go up to the ward let alone spend another night there but it’s not my choice. So I’m having a super early night cause I feel so awful and I don’t want to hurt myself cause then I’ll have to stay for sure. Wish me luck for tomorrow!
Today I’ve decided that instead of doing a summary I want to share with all of you a little bit of a story. I want to tell you about how I felt on the way to theater and after when I woke up in ICU after my suicide attempt. Night all, ‘see’ you tomorrow.
I remember my bed being wheeled upstairs to an operating room and someone putting a mask over my face and telling me to count to ten. The next thing I remember is being in and out of consciousness and thinking that I had somehow escaped from the hospital. I also remember being so sacred as my hands were in restraints (which is really triggering for me). I think I blacked out again after that. A few days late I couldn’t open my eyes, move or speak, but I could smell my parents (I know that sounds odd but it’s true). My Dad smelt like he’d just had a shower and there is this baby powder that he uses for special occasions that he’d put on. My Mum had on the perfume that she use to wear when I went to shows when I was little. She as was chewing spearmint gum. I was so happy to smell them, even though I couldn’t see them or talk to them I knew they were there. I wanted to move to hug them, tell them that I was still alive, that I was still fighting but I couldn’t. The next day I could open my eyes and I saw them crying when the came to visit. That broke my heart.
Hi Anon. I’m glad you think I’m nice, that makes me really happy! I have kik if you’d like to talk but you’d need to come off Anon so I could give you my user name. <~3 Josey
Hi there Anon. Yes I have kik but I don’t want to make it public. So could you maybe come off anon if that’s something that you are comfortable with?? I look forward to hearing from you. <~3 Josey
Hi Anon. I think that I was too slow answering your question so you sent it again. But anyway I’m a girl. This is the link to the other question too. <~3 Josey